Pregnant or Paranoid?

Today is 5dp3dt and not much in the way of symptoms. I was falling asleep on the couch by 9:30 last night and in bed by 10 which is generally unheard for me. I could be so damn tired because I am now getting up twice in the middle of the night to pee and I am also waking up due to some pretty wacked out dreams. Last night my good friend Helen was a time traveller from the Titanic and was drowning on land. I know...weird right?

The two week wait is usually spent asking yourself things like - Am I pregnant? Is that a symptom? Was that a twinge I felt? Hmmm...was I just a little nauseous?. That’s why I've devised these simple guidelines to help you figure out if you’re pregnant or just paranoid.

You think you might be pregnant because you're craving ...

• pancakes at midnight (I really like pancakes) ~ You’re a human
• pancakes at 2 a.m ~ You’re an insomniac
• pancakes at 2 a.m., 4 a.m. & 6 a.m ~ You might have OCD
• human flesh ~ You’re a zombie
• Dish soap & some chalk. And when someone tried to take your chalk away, you stabbed them ~ You might be pregnant. Or insane. 

You think you might be pregnant because you started crying hysterically ...

• when you slipped on the ice and shattered your femur ~ You’re a human
• when you were attacked by a horde of basement rats ~ You need an exterminator
• when Bambi's Mother died ~ You’re me. Also, you just ruined Bambi for all those that haven't seen it but really...who hasn't seen Bambi?
• at the grocery store because they ran out of the frosted  sugar cookies ~ You might be pregnant or currently ingesting and/or injecting large amounts of hormones.

 
You think you might be pregnant because ...

• you have a twinge at your side after eating three burritos ~ You have gas
• you gained five pounds for no reason at all ~ You’re normal & it's December
• you have a sharp, stabbing pain in your chest and now you're turning into dust ~ You’re a vampire.

 
You think you might be pregnant because ...

• your best friend told you that "You look 12 months pregnant in those jeans" ~ You need new friends
• you injected your urine into a rabbit and now it looks sick ~ You need therapy & a new rabbit
• your doctor just told you you're pregnant ~ You’re pregnant.

8 more days until beta.